[{"data":1,"prerenderedAt":939},["ShallowReactive",2],{"page-/blog/tv-series-long-time-no-sex-zh-CN":3,"/blog/tv-series-long-time-no-sex-zh-CN-surround":928},{"id":4,"title":5,"body":6,"description":906,"extension":907,"lang":908,"meta":909,"navigation":915,"path":916,"seo":917,"sitemap":918,"stem":919,"__hash__":920,"date":921,"category":922,"tags":923},"article/blog/tv-series-long-time-no-sex/index.zh-CN.md","好久没做 - 谈两性关系",{"type":7,"value":8,"toc":860},"minimark",[9,21,24,34,37,40,43,46,49,52,55,62,69,74,77,80,85,88,104,107,113,117,120,131,134,139,143,146,157,160,165,169,172,180,183,187,190,194,197,205,208,212,215,226,229,234,238,241,252,255,260,264,267,271,282,286,294,298,301,306,309,314,318,321,325,328,339,342,346,348,356,359,363,366,371,374,385,389,392,397,400,405,408,419,423,428,431,439,441,446,453,457,460,467,470,474,477,485,488,499,502,507,511,514,525,531,534,539,542,550,554,557,571,574,581,585,590,593,597,600,605,609,612,620,623,634,639,644,647,655,659,662,673,676,681,685,688,696,699,707,710,715,719,722,733,736,741,745,748,752,760,764,767,819,823,826,837,840,851,855],[10,11,12,13,20],"p",{},"前一段时间逛 B 站的时候，无意间刷到个剧情解析的视频，电视剧名叫",[14,15,19],"a",{"href":16,"rel":17},"https://movie.douban.com/subject/36324447/",[18],"nofollow","好久没做","。看到标题，我承认，我被吸引了。好久没做什么呢？好好奇啊！点击去一看，果然是 SEX。",[10,22,23],{},"这是一个妥妥的 19+ 电视剧。不，严格意义上来说，应该是针对中年夫妻的。戏里通过夸张、荒诞的剧情演绎（其实都来源于生活），描述中年夫妻生活的困境。热恋期浓烈的感情褪去后，只“剩下”柴米油盐的家，到底如何维系夫妻关系？不和谐、过于压抑的生活，更容易走向出轨的道路。",[10,25,26,27,33],{},"原版的剧情很有张力，尤其是最后两集，推荐大家自己去看看。三十几岁的我，也算是接近“中年”这个范畴了。于我来说，对于“中年夫妻”的相处之道最大的感悟是：",[28,29,32],"strong",{"className":30},[31],"text-warning","两个人的相处模式需要一起共同进化，才能持续的运营好关系","。学生时代、职业之路、结婚、生娃，在这些不同的人生重大阶段里，人的思想会发生巨大变化。两个人需要不断的调整，从而应对这些变化。而且双方需要不停的修正对未来的共同愿景。如果愿景不一样了，或者有一个人成长的步伐狠狠的落后了，那么关系早晚会出现裂痕。出现裂痕后，人就会想去其他地方找认同感，发泄自己的压抑情绪。",[10,35,36],{},"说到出轨，我自己脑子里有这样一些的理解：",[10,38,39],{},"随着年岁的增加，我越发发现一个事情：自己很难像小时候那样开怀大笑，激动不已了。我当然有自己喜欢的事：打打游戏、看看书、看看电影等等。但是这种开心，转瞬即逝。兴趣多的，还能分散一下注意力，没有什么兴趣的人，自然而然的会滑向人的本能：寻找性刺激。电视、电影里的桥段我们看到过很多：背着人，偷偷摸摸的做事，而且还是顶级多巴胺奖励的性刺激。这种心理和身体的双重刺激，确实容易让人欲罢不能。",[10,41,42],{},"还有一种想法就是：人生在世这么长，为什么这种事情就只能跟一个人做呢？岂不是太可惜了。这种本质上也是遵从了本能，想要寻找刺激。某种程度上看上去合理，转换一个角度来说，也可以说是贪心。",[10,44,45],{},"所以我能理解，为什么从古至今这种话题一直都是热门吃瓜话题。虽然这种行为被社会所唾弃，但是总有人以身犯险，甚至愿意倾家荡产。",[10,47,48],{},"要我说，人还是要多一些兴趣爱好。把注意力放到去探索世界、丰富自己的精神世界领域更好。世界这么美妙，还有好多事情值得去探索和发现，不要因为一时的糊涂，把自己的生活搅得稀碎。",[50,51],"hr",{},[10,53,54],{},"写完前面的文字，我去找 AI 聊了一下。AI 给的观点也挺有意思的。下面是 AI 的原文。",[56,57,59],"blog-style-highlight",{"status":58},"info",[10,60,61],{},"为什么会有一夫一妻的制度？这种道德约束是从何而来？这种约束是站在什么角度和立场？如果去评判它的对与错？",[10,63,64,65,68],{},"这个问题可以分成三层来看：",[28,66,67],{},"为什么出现一夫一妻制 → 道德/制度从哪来 → 它站在哪些立场 → 怎么评价它的“对错”","。如果只用“对/错”去看，会比较容易误解它的功能。",[70,71,73],"h2",{"id":72},"一一夫一妻制为什么会出现","🧭 一、一夫一妻制为什么会出现？",[10,75,76],{},"从人类学和历史角度看，一夫一妻制并不是“自然唯一形态”，而是很多社会在发展过程中逐渐选择的一种制度。",[10,78,79],{},"它主要在几个条件下变得普遍：",[81,82,84],"h3",{"id":83},"_1️⃣-资源与继承的稳定性","1️⃣ 资源与继承的稳定性",[10,86,87],{},"当社会从游猎进入农业社会后：",[89,90,91,95,98],"ul",{},[92,93,94],"li",{},"土地、财产开始“可以继承”",[92,96,97],{},"需要明确“孩子是谁的”",[92,99,100,101],{},"于是婚姻变成一种",[28,102,103],{},"产权与血缘绑定机制",[10,105,106],{},"👉 一夫一妻制的核心功能之一：",[108,109,110],"blockquote",{},[10,111,112],{},"降低继承不确定性",[81,114,116],{"id":115},"_2️⃣-社会稳定与冲突减少","2️⃣ 社会稳定与冲突减少",[10,118,119],{},"如果一个社会允许强烈的多配偶结构：",[89,121,122,125,128],{},[92,123,124],{},"会导致“性资源高度集中”",[92,126,127],{},"部分男性无法建立家庭",[92,129,130],{},"可能增加冲突、暴力与阶层不稳定",[10,132,133],{},"一夫一妻制在很多社会中被认为可以：",[108,135,136],{},[10,137,138],{},"分散配偶资源 → 降低社会竞争冲突",[81,140,142],{"id":141},"_3️⃣-国家治理需要非常关键","3️⃣ 国家治理需要（非常关键）",[10,144,145],{},"国家出现后，一夫一妻制变成一种“治理工具”：",[89,147,148,151,154],{},[92,149,150],{},"更容易登记人口与继承关系",[92,152,153],{},"更容易征税、分配资源",[92,155,156],{},"更容易稳定家庭结构（教育下一代）",[10,158,159],{},"很多学者认为它本质上是：",[108,161,162],{},[10,163,164],{},"国家强化社会秩序的一种制度设计",[81,166,168],{"id":167},"_4️⃣-宗教与文化强化","4️⃣ 宗教与文化强化",[10,170,171],{},"例如：",[89,173,174,177],{},[92,175,176],{},"基督教传统长期强调一夫一妻的婚姻神圣性",[92,178,179],{},"近代西方法律体系继承了这种结构",[10,181,182],{},"文化 + 宗教 = 道德固化",[70,184,186],{"id":185},"二这种道德约束从哪里来","🧠 二、这种“道德约束”从哪里来？",[10,188,189],{},"所谓“一夫一妻是道德”，其实不是天然存在，而是三种力量叠加：",[81,191,193],{"id":192},"_1️⃣-生物层面但不是决定性","1️⃣ 生物层面（但不是决定性）",[10,195,196],{},"人类本身并没有固定单配偶机制：",[89,198,199,202],{},[92,200,201],{},"有“长期伴侣倾向”",[92,203,204],{},"也有“多配偶行为倾向”",[10,206,207],{},"👉 所以它不是生物必然，而是可塑的。",[81,209,211],{"id":210},"_2️⃣-社会结构需求","2️⃣ 社会结构需求",[10,213,214],{},"制度会服务于：",[89,216,217,220,223],{},[92,218,219],{},"稳定性",[92,221,222],{},"可预测性",[92,224,225],{},"资源分配效率",[10,227,228],{},"道德在这里其实是：",[108,230,231],{},[10,232,233],{},"对社会结构有利行为的“规范化包装”",[81,235,237],{"id":236},"_3️⃣-权力与秩序塑造","3️⃣ 权力与秩序塑造",[10,239,240],{},"道德往往不是“发现的”，而是“建构的”：",[89,242,243,246,249],{},[92,244,245],{},"法律规定婚姻形式",[92,247,248],{},"宗教赋予神圣意义",[92,250,251],{},"社会舆论强化行为边界",[10,253,254],{},"👉 最终形成：",[108,256,257],{},[10,258,259],{},"“应该这样做”的共识",[70,261,263],{"id":262},"三这种约束站在什么角度","🎯 三、这种约束站在什么角度？",[10,265,266],{},"一夫一妻制通常站在这些立场：",[81,268,270],{"id":269},"️-1-国家社会整体效率","🏛️ 1. 国家/社会整体效率",[89,272,273,276,279],{},[92,274,275],{},"稳定人口结构",[92,277,278],{},"减少冲突",[92,280,281],{},"简化治理",[81,283,285],{"id":284},"_2-家庭单位稳定性","👨‍👩‍👧 2. 家庭单位稳定性",[89,287,288,291],{},[92,289,290],{},"父母责任清晰",[92,292,293],{},"儿童成长更稳定（统计意义上）",[81,295,297],{"id":296},"️-3-资源公平分配","⚖️ 3. 资源公平分配",[10,299,300],{},"理想状态下：",[108,302,303],{},[10,304,305],{},"每个人都有建立家庭的机会",[10,307,308],{},"但它也有一个隐含前提：",[108,310,311],{},[10,312,313],{},"把“个人欲望”放在“社会稳定之后”",[70,315,317],{"id":316},"️-四怎么评价它的对与错","⚖️ 四、怎么评价它的“对与错”？",[10,319,320],{},"这里没有绝对答案，但可以分三种评价框架：",[81,322,324],{"id":323},"_1-功能主义评价社会角度","🟢 1. 功能主义评价（社会角度）",[10,326,327],{},"如果目标是：",[89,329,330,333,336],{},[92,331,332],{},"稳定社会",[92,334,335],{},"降低冲突",[92,337,338],{},"提高可预测性",[10,340,341],{},"👉 一夫一妻制是“高效制度”",[81,343,345],{"id":344},"_2-自由主义评价个人角度","🔵 2. 自由主义评价（个人角度）",[10,347,327],{},[89,349,350,353],{},[92,351,352],{},"最大化个人选择自由",[92,354,355],{},"多样化关系结构",[10,357,358],{},"👉 一夫一妻制是一种“限制”",[81,360,362],{"id":361},"_3-人类学现实主义评价","🟡 3. 人类学/现实主义评价",[10,364,365],{},"关键结论是：",[108,367,368],{},[10,369,370],{},"它不是对错问题，而是“适配某种社会结构的解法”",[10,372,373],{},"不同社会可以选择：",[89,375,376,379,382],{},[92,377,378],{},"一夫一妻（最常见）",[92,380,381],{},"一夫多妻（历史常见）",[92,383,384],{},"非婚姻结构（少数现代实验）",[70,386,388],{"id":387},"五一个更本质的理解","🧩 五、一个更本质的理解",[10,390,391],{},"很多人会误解为：",[108,393,394],{},[10,395,396],{},"“一夫一妻 = 道德正确”",[10,398,399],{},"但更底层的逻辑是：",[108,401,402],{},[10,403,404],{},"一夫一妻 = 一种在特定历史条件下，被证明“比较稳定”的社会协议",[10,406,407],{},"它不是自然法则，而是：",[89,409,410,413,416],{},[92,411,412],{},"历史产物",[92,414,415],{},"制度选择",[92,417,418],{},"权力与经济结构的结果",[70,420,422],{"id":421},"如果用一句话总结","🧠 如果用一句话总结：",[108,424,425],{},[10,426,427],{},"一夫一妻制不是“道德本身”，而是社会为了稳定资源、继承和秩序，在长期博弈中形成的一种高适配度制度。",[10,429,430],{},"如果你愿意，我可以继续帮你往更深一层拆，比如：",[89,432,433,436],{},[92,434,435],{},"为什么现代社会“一夫一妻 + 出轨率高”这种矛盾存在",[92,437,438],{},"或者不同文化中婚姻制度的真实差异（非常有意思）",[50,440],{},[56,442,443],{"status":58},[10,444,445],{},"可以，你提到的两个问题都说一下",[10,447,448,449,452],{},"好，这两个问题其实正好能把“一夫一妻制”从",[28,450,451],{},"制度 → 人性 → 现实摩擦","完整串起来看清楚。",[70,454,456],{"id":455},"一为什么现代社会一夫一妻-出轨率高会同时存在","🧩 一、为什么现代社会“一夫一妻 + 出轨率高”会同时存在？",[10,458,459],{},"这看起来矛盾，但其实不矛盾，因为：",[108,461,462],{},[10,463,464],{},[28,465,466],{},"制度是一夫一妻，但人类的情感与欲望结构并不是单配偶设计的",[10,468,469],{},"可以拆成三层原因：",[81,471,473],{"id":472},"_1️⃣-生物与心理人类不是天然一夫一妻动物","🧠 1️⃣ 生物与心理：人类不是“天然一夫一妻动物”",[10,475,476],{},"人类更接近一种：",[89,478,479,482],{},[92,480,481],{},"倾向长期伴侣（养育后代需要）",[92,483,484],{},"但仍保留“多配偶冲动”",[10,486,487],{},"这在心理学里常见三种驱动力：",[89,489,490,493,496],{},[92,491,492],{},"新奇感（novelty seeking）",[92,494,495],{},"性选择机制（mate choice flexibility）",[92,497,498],{},"情感依赖 vs 欲望分离",[10,500,501],{},"👉 所以会出现一个现实结构：",[108,503,504],{},[10,505,506],{},"“我想要稳定关系 + 我也会被其他人吸引”",[81,508,510],{"id":509},"️-2️⃣-制度约束的是行为不是欲望","🏛️ 2️⃣ 制度约束的是“行为”，不是“欲望”",[10,512,513],{},"一夫一妻制解决的是：",[89,515,516,519,522],{},[92,517,518],{},"法律关系",[92,520,521],{},"继承关系",[92,523,524],{},"社会责任",[10,526,527,528],{},"但它",[28,529,530],{},"无法删除人类的内部冲动系统",[10,532,533],{},"所以现代社会本质是：",[108,535,536],{},[10,537,538],{},"用制度约束外部行为，而不是改变内部心理",[10,540,541],{},"这就导致一个结构性张力：",[89,543,544,547],{},[92,545,546],{},"欲望多样化",[92,548,549],{},"行为单一化",[81,551,553],{"id":552},"_3️⃣-现代社会放大了机会成本","🌍 3️⃣ 现代社会放大了“机会成本”",[10,555,556],{},"现代社会让出轨更容易：",[89,558,559,562,565,568],{},[92,560,561],{},"城市化 → 社交范围扩大",[92,563,564],{},"社交软件 → 匹配成本极低",[92,566,567],{},"工作流动性高 → 长期关系稳定性下降",[92,569,570],{},"个人主义上升 → “自我满足优先”",[10,572,573],{},"👉 结果是：",[108,575,576],{},[10,577,578],{},[28,579,580],{},"诱因变多，但制度没有同步增强控制力",[81,582,584],{"id":583},"️-4️⃣-所以真正的矛盾不是道德失败而是","⚖️ 4️⃣ 所以真正的矛盾不是“道德失败”，而是：",[108,586,587],{},[10,588,589],{},"“低摩擦的机会结构” + “高约束的制度结构”并存",[10,591,592],{},"这就是现代婚姻张力的来源。",[70,594,596],{"id":595},"二不同文化中的婚姻制度真实差异","🌍 二、不同文化中的婚姻制度真实差异",[10,598,599],{},"很多人以为“一夫一妻是人类普遍标准”，但事实是：",[108,601,602],{},[10,603,604],{},"人类历史上“一夫一妻”只是其中一种模式，而且不是唯一主流。",[81,606,608],{"id":607},"_1️⃣-一夫多妻制历史上最常见","🏺 1️⃣ 一夫多妻制（历史上最常见）",[10,610,611],{},"很多传统社会允许：",[89,613,614,617],{},[92,615,616],{},"一个男性多个妻子",[92,618,619],{},"通常与财富和地位强相关",[10,621,622],{},"例子：",[89,624,625,628,631],{},[92,626,627],{},"古代中东",[92,629,630],{},"部分非洲社会",[92,632,633],{},"古代中国上层（妻妾制度）",[635,636,638],"h4",{"id":637},"核心逻辑","核心逻辑：",[108,640,641],{},[10,642,643],{},"财富集中 → 允许多配偶 → 社会等级体现",[10,645,646],{},"但它的副作用是：",[89,648,649,652],{},[92,650,651],{},"男性婚配不均",[92,653,654],{},"阶层冲突风险增加",[81,656,658],{"id":657},"_2️⃣-一夫一妻制现代国家主流","🧑‍🤝‍🧑 2️⃣ 一夫一妻制（现代国家主流）",[10,660,661],{},"在现代国家成为主流，是因为：",[89,663,664,667,670],{},[92,665,666],{},"国家需要稳定人口结构",[92,668,669],{},"工业社会需要稳定家庭单位",[92,671,672],{},"法律体系需要清晰继承关系",[10,674,675],{},"👉 本质是：",[108,677,678],{},[10,679,680],{},"工业化 + 国家治理效率优化的结果",[81,682,684],{"id":683},"_3️⃣-一妻多夫制少数但存在","🌄 3️⃣ 一妻多夫制（少数但存在）",[10,686,687],{},"比如：",[89,689,690,693],{},[92,691,692],{},"尼泊尔部分地区",[92,694,695],{},"西藏历史上的某些区域",[10,697,698],{},"形成原因通常是：",[89,700,701,704],{},[92,702,703],{},"土地资源稀缺",[92,705,706],{},"家庭联合继承土地（避免分裂）",[10,708,709],{},"👉 本质逻辑：",[108,711,712],{},[10,713,714],{},"资源极端稀缺 → 家庭合并策略",[81,716,718],{"id":717},"_4️⃣-现代非传统关系模式","🧪 4️⃣ 现代“非传统关系模式”",[10,720,721],{},"在一些现代城市文化中出现：",[89,723,724,727,730],{},[92,725,726],{},"开放式关系（open relationship）",[92,728,729],{},"非单偶长期关系",[92,731,732],{},"LAT（分居伴侣）",[10,734,735],{},"但注意：",[108,737,738],{},[10,739,740],{},"这些模式在统计上仍然是少数，并且稳定性高度依赖个人能力与沟通结构",[70,742,744],{"id":743},"三把两部分合起来看关键理解","🧠 三、把两部分合起来看（关键理解）",[10,746,747],{},"我们可以得到一个更底层结论：",[81,749,751],{"id":750},"_1-婚姻制度是社会解法不是人性说明书","🔺 1. 婚姻制度是“社会解法”，不是“人性说明书”",[89,753,754,757],{},[92,755,756],{},"制度：为了稳定社会结构",[92,758,759],{},"人性：更复杂、多变、非单一",[81,761,763],{"id":762},"_2-现代矛盾的本质是结构错位","🔺 2. 现代矛盾的本质是“结构错位”",[10,765,766],{},"可以理解为：",[768,769,770,783],"table",{},[771,772,773],"thead",{},[774,775,776,780],"tr",{},[777,778,779],"th",{},"层面",[777,781,782],{},"状态",[784,785,786,795,803,811],"tbody",{},[774,787,788,792],{},[789,790,791],"td",{},"生物心理",[789,793,794],{},"多动机、多偏好",[774,796,797,800],{},[789,798,799],{},"社会制度",[789,801,802],{},"单一婚姻结构",[774,804,805,808],{},[789,806,807],{},"技术环境",[789,809,810],{},"高诱惑、高连接",[774,812,813,816],{},[789,814,815],{},"结果",[789,817,818],{},"张力 + 出轨/离婚率上升",[81,820,822],{"id":821},"_3-出轨不是现代才有而是现代更可见","🔺 3. 出轨不是“现代才有”，而是“现代更可见”",[10,824,825],{},"过去：",[89,827,828,831,834],{},[92,829,830],{},"信息封闭",[92,832,833],{},"社会压制",[92,835,836],{},"隐性存在",[10,838,839],{},"现在：",[89,841,842,845,848],{},[92,843,844],{},"更容易发生",[92,846,847],{},"更容易暴露",[92,849,850],{},"更容易统计",[70,852,854],{"id":853},"最核心一句话总结","🧩 最核心一句话总结",[108,856,857],{},[10,858,859],{},"一夫一妻制解决的是“社会秩序问题”，而不是“人类欲望问题”；现代出轨率上升，本质是“制度稳定性”与“行为自由度”之间的长期拉扯。",{"title":861,"searchDepth":862,"depth":862,"links":863},"",2,[864,871,876,881,886,887,888,894,900,905],{"id":72,"depth":862,"text":73,"children":865},[866,868,869,870],{"id":83,"depth":867,"text":84},3,{"id":115,"depth":867,"text":116},{"id":141,"depth":867,"text":142},{"id":167,"depth":867,"text":168},{"id":185,"depth":862,"text":186,"children":872},[873,874,875],{"id":192,"depth":867,"text":193},{"id":210,"depth":867,"text":211},{"id":236,"depth":867,"text":237},{"id":262,"depth":862,"text":263,"children":877},[878,879,880],{"id":269,"depth":867,"text":270},{"id":284,"depth":867,"text":285},{"id":296,"depth":867,"text":297},{"id":316,"depth":862,"text":317,"children":882},[883,884,885],{"id":323,"depth":867,"text":324},{"id":344,"depth":867,"text":345},{"id":361,"depth":867,"text":362},{"id":387,"depth":862,"text":388},{"id":421,"depth":862,"text":422},{"id":455,"depth":862,"text":456,"children":889},[890,891,892,893],{"id":472,"depth":867,"text":473},{"id":509,"depth":867,"text":510},{"id":552,"depth":867,"text":553},{"id":583,"depth":867,"text":584},{"id":595,"depth":862,"text":596,"children":895},[896,897,898,899],{"id":607,"depth":867,"text":608},{"id":657,"depth":867,"text":658},{"id":683,"depth":867,"text":684},{"id":717,"depth":867,"text":718},{"id":743,"depth":862,"text":744,"children":901},[902,903,904],{"id":750,"depth":867,"text":751},{"id":762,"depth":867,"text":763},{"id":821,"depth":867,"text":822},{"id":853,"depth":862,"text":854},"前一段时间逛 B 站的时候，无意间刷到个剧情解析的视频，电视剧名叫好久没做。看到标题，我承认，我被吸引了。好久没做什么呢？好好奇啊！点击去一看，果然是 SEX。","md","zh-CN",{"artifactId":910,"lastmod":911,"backgroundImg":911,"ogImage":911,"listPreviewImg":912},"tv-series-long-time-no-sex",null,{"url":913,"alt":914},"/images/artifacts/tv-series-long-time-no-sex.webp","电视剧好久不做封面",true,"/blog/tv-series-long-time-no-sex/index.zh-cn",{"title":5,"description":906},{"loc":916},"blog/tv-series-long-time-no-sex/index.zh-CN","-zFEiYmRXVQpFLT4jzHzo8-ci4NilQMW6ag67vDzx54","2026-07-02","life",[924,925,926,927],"relationships","marriage","human_nature","ai",[929,934],{"title":930,"path":931,"description":932,"date":933},"放弃“像不像”之后，我在画展里发现了什么","/blog/reading-emotion-and-story-in-abstract-art","周日，跟家人去了一趟湖南省美术馆。以往都是跟着小朋友的进度来，走马观花一般浏览完就撤了。这次美术馆里有一个小朋友画画的活动。于是我趁着老婆带着孩子画画的时候，自己一个人溜达，仔仔细细的欣赏画。","2026-07-06",{"title":935,"path":936,"description":937,"date":938},"Nuxt Content 多语言文件管理，我换了一种组织方式","/blog/nuxt-content-i18n-architecture-refactor","我的博客网站使用的是 Nuxt 的框架。由于支持了多语言，原本比较简单的问题，在多语言的前提下会变得复杂一些。比如：文件的管理。","2026-06-26",1786873147202]